My mother was a second daughter in a family without sons. She felt that failure all her life. It was part of her generation, which of course was far more sexist than we aspire to be today. Sons were necessary. Daughters were ancillary or even a blight. But her mother delighted in her, which made all the difference.
My mother's mother had Multiple Sclerosis, which made pregnancy and childbirth very dangerous. It was diagnosed with her first pregnancy, during which she almost died. Knowing what I do now, I am assuming it was the dangerous kidney infections particularly which afflicted a friend of mine who also was diagnosed with MS. My mother did not know the details, though, just that her mother was never to get pregnant again.
In the 1920's, if a wife could not get pregnant, she could not have sex. The husband had his ticket to roam, and my grandfather got a mistress. His mistress got pregnant with a child she claimed was his son. Then she died.
My grandmother was presented with the request to take in this child and almost lost her mind. In the end, she slept with her husband and got pregnant with my mother. My grandmother was the kindest woman I have ever met, but taking in her husband's son by his mistress was too much of a stretch for even her loving heart, I honor her wisdom in knowing that about herself. And of course, I am grateful that my sweet loving mother was born as well...
To know this was the context for her conception must have been painful, but my mother related it as a wonderful story. I accepted it as such and only in writing it down do I see the agony each person involved must have felt. My mother was aware of her half-brother's existence and mourned the loss deeply when he died in World War II. These were all vitally real people.
The physical details of my mother's birth I do not know, except that my grandmother was alive until I was 15 years old. I do know that it almost killed her again. Not because it was childbirth, but because she had Multiple Sclerosis and was pregnant.
I hope parents tell their children how they arrived. It is always a challenging and thrilling story. It is always an heroic and epic journey to bring another soul here. We should all know our stories, as we are the treasures so desperately sought in those epics. We are the reasons our parents journey to the shores of eternity and back.
